Recently, a video went viral on social media. You probably saw it: Some dude at McDonald’s stopped working so he could help a disabled man cut and eat his food. The normies (you know, those boring people whose lives are untouched by disability and see it as a dark shadow that covers a far-away land) went “awwwww…” and started screeching about how inspiring the whole thing was.
I find myself wondering about the encounter. Was it help, or was it “help”?*
The fact of the matter is this: if you are disabled (or old)—and I think this is especially true if you are little and adorable and disabled—people will rush to your aid, whether you need it or not. They will overreact in their attempts to prove they're "good people" and very often you will just give up and accept the “help,” even though the encounter leaves you exasperated and their assistance just makes everything more difficult.
One example: there have been times when I let people bag my groceries, then had to stop mid-way home to re-pack everything, as the weight distribution made it all very difficult to carry. And who puts heavy cans on top of tiny tomatoes?
Then there are the complications that can arise if you accept a stranger’s assistance. Once I asked a man to get something down for me at the grocery store. He (and his wife) then trailed me for the rest of my journey in the grocery store, just in case I needed more help. It was creepy.
It’s a strange line to figure out: You sometimes do need people’s help for various things, as do other people with special needs, and you want them to feel comfortable providing assistance to you (and others who might need it at other points further down the road), but how easy/polite is it to turn them down? Often people are very insistent and don’t believe you when you tell them you’re fine. And it’s not like you can swear at them, because they’re trying to be helpful, don'tcha know. (Sometimes I feel like telling these people, “Look, just to warn you, I can’t get you bonus points with God. I blaspheme on pretty much a daily basis.”)
I worry that this viral video is going to make people even more “helpful,” only now they’re going to start filming it. “Look as I run ahead to open the door for the little crippled girl…but ignore the fact that I nearly trip her to get there first.” “Look how great I am, offering to drive her home in my car. Strange how she doesn’t seem to want to accept my help.” YouTube is going to be inundated with videos of the normies doing minor acts of kindness and expecting major kudos because they did something good for the poor and downtrodden crippled people...who really only needed your help because the system is set up to benefit the normie body type.
Let it be known now, strangers who will never read this: You do NOT have my permission to film me. Nor do you have permission to film my friends and family, who have been well trained to ignore me unless I actually ask for help. (They’re not being jerks by just standing there…they just know I know what I’m doing.)
*I mean, was this man actually unable to feed himself? If so, why did he go alone to a fast food restaurant? And how does he eat every other meal if he can’t use utensils? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
I find myself wondering about the encounter. Was it help, or was it “help”?*
The fact of the matter is this: if you are disabled (or old)—and I think this is especially true if you are little and adorable and disabled—people will rush to your aid, whether you need it or not. They will overreact in their attempts to prove they're "good people" and very often you will just give up and accept the “help,” even though the encounter leaves you exasperated and their assistance just makes everything more difficult.
One example: there have been times when I let people bag my groceries, then had to stop mid-way home to re-pack everything, as the weight distribution made it all very difficult to carry. And who puts heavy cans on top of tiny tomatoes?
Then there are the complications that can arise if you accept a stranger’s assistance. Once I asked a man to get something down for me at the grocery store. He (and his wife) then trailed me for the rest of my journey in the grocery store, just in case I needed more help. It was creepy.
It’s a strange line to figure out: You sometimes do need people’s help for various things, as do other people with special needs, and you want them to feel comfortable providing assistance to you (and others who might need it at other points further down the road), but how easy/polite is it to turn them down? Often people are very insistent and don’t believe you when you tell them you’re fine. And it’s not like you can swear at them, because they’re trying to be helpful, don'tcha know. (Sometimes I feel like telling these people, “Look, just to warn you, I can’t get you bonus points with God. I blaspheme on pretty much a daily basis.”)
I worry that this viral video is going to make people even more “helpful,” only now they’re going to start filming it. “Look as I run ahead to open the door for the little crippled girl…but ignore the fact that I nearly trip her to get there first.” “Look how great I am, offering to drive her home in my car. Strange how she doesn’t seem to want to accept my help.” YouTube is going to be inundated with videos of the normies doing minor acts of kindness and expecting major kudos because they did something good for the poor and downtrodden crippled people...who really only needed your help because the system is set up to benefit the normie body type.
Let it be known now, strangers who will never read this: You do NOT have my permission to film me. Nor do you have permission to film my friends and family, who have been well trained to ignore me unless I actually ask for help. (They’re not being jerks by just standing there…they just know I know what I’m doing.)
*I mean, was this man actually unable to feed himself? If so, why did he go alone to a fast food restaurant? And how does he eat every other meal if he can’t use utensils? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
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